A huge kick in the a$$ is all you need…

For the longest time I was a BITCH.

I was fierce, strong, driven and independent. Witty, smart and successful but boy was I mean! Often angry and frustrated. And the plateau I hit in my life just added to the self hate and low self-esteem. I was embarrassed and often avoided people, family and any real connections by being short and rude. 

An entitled know it all I masked my deepest secrets: I hated myself and my life. It took a huge kick in the ass, 2+years of kicks in the ass, to be completely humbled and for things to change.  I was stripped of any relevant achievement and everything I owned. Miserable and angry I became an easy target. I wanted a different life, I wanted to change.  I started with my health.  Everyday I was uncomfortable, out of breath and tbh Thanksgiving was around the corner and my pants were already too tight.  At least 50lbs over weight, I decided to start small.  One step at a time.  2lbs at a time. 

With every pound I shed I gained insight. The fitness journey quickly turned into a story about change.  A story of a woman thru perseverance who became her own guiding light away from negativity she was accustomed to.

Now that I am happy (most days) and becoming a huge advocate for self care and self love I find myself feeling like a fake.  Im far from perfect and still have some work to do, I find I am deeply insecure.  I struggle with acceptance of my own accomplishments and constantly seek validation from others. 

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Born Again Athlete

For the longest time I identified myself as an athlete. I am reluctant (primarily due to my self-worth issue, but we will dive into that later) to say I was good, but athleticism came naturally to me and I would definitely consider myself above average and for sure competitive.  I can credit my parents for the awesome skills and genes.  They were always in my corner encouraging and pushing my brother and I to do and be better. We were encouraged from a young age to be active, to enjoy sports, and to participate. With my father as a retired professional athlete with Baseball was his ticket to the land of opportunity, you can understand the importance of sports in our household. It has and will always be a bonding force in my family. 

My sports of choice were always basketball and softball. During the seasons I had the most fun and felt confident on and off the court/field. I loved the camaraderie. The older players always made me feel welcomed.  Early in my athletic career, I was quickly promoted to more advanced teams. The pride one feels as a middle schooler wearing a varsity jacket and uniform was bigger than winning any game. And it was also super exciting and rewarding when you here the coach of the varsity boys team say “ I didn’t know you were that good, you showed heart”.  You’d stand taller, smile bigger and think to yourself: “Heck yea I did.”  Because it didn’t matter if I was the strongest, best, or most talented on the field, I was going to out play and out “heart” everyone else.  Again, I was highly competitive and was taught to be the best. And if not, at least surround yourself with the best.

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